A Letter to TSA

                                                                                                            March 24, 2014

Dear TSA,

What you did today was not okay. You made me feel like a criminal. You invaded my personal space. You dehumanized me. And why? Why did you feel the need to pat me down? Why did you go through both of my bags, touch all my belongings, and test my possessions for explosives?

You did this because I am a male-presenting female. Because I do not fit the norms of gender that you have defined. Because you have a BLUE and a PINK button that you must press before someone goes through the sensor. Because you pressed the PINK button for me, thereby defining me as female, which caused you to detect an anomaly in the groin area. Not because I was hiding anything. Because I was sagging my pants. And because my pants just happen to have a button fly, which your scanner detected. Because YOU decided for ME what gender I am and because your definition of my gender didn’t match my presentation.

When I asked you during the pat down, “Why did you suspect an anomaly on me? I always wear button-fly pants,” you said, “Because you were sagging your pants.” And when I asked, “Wouldn’t this be a problem for some men?” you said, “Well, there’s a button we press for them that makes sagging pants okay.” And when I asked, “What do you do for transgender people?” you said, “We press the button that best represents how they present themselves outwardly.”

So my question is this? Why did you not press the male button for me? Because you thought I would be offended? Because you thought I was “female enough” for you to press female? Or because your institution propagates the heteronormative idea that biological sex always determines gender and gender always determines gender presentation?

Well let me tell you this. I am appalled that your agency has PINK and BLUE buttons in the first place. I am frustrated that TSA assumes that every single person that wants to travel by plane in this country can so easily fall into two archaic categories determining gender. Millions of people in our country identify as gender non-conforming, thus not fitting into your two categories. And millions more are gender non-conforming but do not identify this way because they are not public about their identities. And within that group of gender non-conforming people, there exist dozens of possible ways in which they identify, which include, but are not limited to, transgender, transsexual, MTF (male to female), FTM (female to male), gender-bending, genderqueer, two-spirit, cross-dresser, androgynous, third gender, feminine male, masculine female, butch, intersex, drag king, drag queen, aggressive, and other.

Maybe you don’t realize what it feels like to be gender non-conforming. So, although I cannot speak for everyone, I can tell you what it feels like to be me.

First of all, I think about my gender about 99% of the time. I think about my gender when I walk down the street, when I go to the store, when I get a haircut, when I shop for clothes, when I meet new people, when I walk into a bathroom, when I travel in a foreign country, when I hold hands with my partner, when I spend time with my family, when I go to a restaurant, when I go to a bar, when I wear dress clothes, when I interview for a new job, when I go into a school, when I teach children, when I post pictures online, when I fill out paperwork, and when I go to the doctor.

So many of the institutions that I visit on a regular basis base gender on the binary categories of male and female—a system that neither recognizes nor appreciates the diversity of the gender spectrum. Sometimes these institutions allow me to choose which category I fit into. However, much of the time, the institutions require me to choose based on my biological sex, even if does not agree with my gender.

When I get a haircut, when I shop for clothes, and when I wear dress clothes, I am able to choose male.

When I walk into a bathroom, when I fill out paperwork, when I go to the doctor, and when I get a pat down, I am required to choose female.

When I walk down the street, when I go to the store, when I meet new people, when I travel in a foreign country, when I hold hands with my partner, when I go to a restaurant, when I go to a bar, when I interview for a new job, when I go into a school, when I teach children, when I post pictures online, when I spend time with my family, I am not required to choose either. So I don’t. My presentation, my behavior, my norms, lie somewhere in between male and female, which is why I choose gender non-conforming. And honestly, that feels just right for me.

So once again, let me define my identity for you so that you do not have to define it for me. I am biologically female, and I identify as gender non-conforming, gender-bending, genderqueer, and androgynous.

I am angry and I am frustrated at how little society understands my gender non-conformity, which is the reason I am writing this letter today. I’m sick of people staring at me in women’s restrooms. I am sick of kids in public places asking their parents, “Mommy, is that a man or a woman?” and their parents not teaching them to be okay with the ambiguity. I am sick of students asking me, “Excuse me, are you a boy or a girl?” before they trust me to teach them. I’m sick of people using the he/him/his pronouns when talking about me to others. I’m sick of having to select female on forms when that only fits me half the time. I’m sick of having to go into the bathroom with the person wearing a dress on the sign. I’m sick of people assuming that I am the “boy” in my relationship. I’m sick of feeling judged because my gender isn’t as easy to define as male or female. I’m sick of all these microaggressions that cause me to live in a state of anxiety and fear.

I know that you were just doing your job this morning and that you did not mean to offend me. However, I am writing this letter today because I want you to know what you can do in the future to make life a little less scary for me and other people like me.

I want you to know that it is okay if you can’t tell whether I am a female or a male, as long as you know that I am a person. I want you to know that sometimes I identify as female, sometimes I identify as male, sometimes I identify as both, sometimes I identify as neither, and sometimes I identify as androgynous, genderqueer, gender-bending, or gender non-conforming. I want you to know that no matter how I define myself, you can listen to the terms and pronouns I use and use them if you choose to use anything at all. I want you to know that I am not dressing this way or acting this way to make you uncomfortable—I am doing it because it makes me feel comfortable. I want you to know that I expect you to practice empathy and kindness to me no matter how confused you are about my gender presentation. I want you to know that people like me suffer from behavioral health problems, bullying, discrimination, self-harm, addiction, barriers to healthcare, poverty, sexual violence, physical violence, and incarceration, and that we need people to support us and provide us accommodations, not hate us and push us to the margins, for being different.

And I want you to know that you can make your workplace more inclusive for people like me by phasing out the binary gender system from your screening process; by providing single user and/or gender neutral bathroom options; by making sure that surveys or forms you create or use have an “other” checkbox after male and female for any gender-based questions; and by educating yourself about the issues gender non-conforming people face and the language we use.

My last request is this. Next time you are confused about my gender and your choice affects my well-being, please ask me to clarify. Because next time I fly, if it is before TSA eliminates the binary categories entirely, I would prefer that you press the BLUE button.

Sincerely,

Anne Marie Norgren